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And after that, there’s title nothing much to fear. Does anyone know or care if middle-aged women are getting any sexual satisfaction or pleasure? In our younger years, we used to be constantly nagged by Cosmo about orgasms, I recall. It was always on the front cover – how to achieve them in bigger, better ways. The focus on the achievement—as though we were less than wholly alive if we weren’t constantly emerging pinkly breathless from our latest appointment with ecstasy—was frankly a little bullying. We were also informed that older women could sometimes want more sex, and then the cougar myth was born—tedious, banal, and empty, like so many of the sexual types we are supposed to embody.

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title So, I didn’t do it all that often. There have been massive generational shifts in the past century, between—for instance—my mother’s generation and my own. My mother is from Scotland, a glorious land but not known for its commitment to the erotic, and a Presbyterian family. She had quite Puritanical views on sex, which my youthful enthusiasm for it soon questioned. She rose quite magnificently to the challenge. She took me to see a gynecologist. Why do we find sex so difficult to talk about? Because it is taboo, because we have been taught that it is dirty or naughty or beneath us, demeaning, animal, lustful, sinful, dangerous, and beyond the pale of decent normality. I don’t think I am exaggerating.

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